I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
