I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize