It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
