I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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