uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
