go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
