watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Panties = found
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
