i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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