strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
