Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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