Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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