It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
