So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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