Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
