why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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