apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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