mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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