eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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