no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
