toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
