his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
