it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
