fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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