I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
