Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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