True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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