I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
