You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
