Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
God, I missed his penis.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
