By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
