I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
