Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
