Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
