I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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