i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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