FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
