He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
