Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is my gift to your gina
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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