Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
