it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
