I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
