I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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