I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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