I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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