i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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