You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
