Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
