which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
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My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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