Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
