2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
