WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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