i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
