I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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