So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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