What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
