if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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