she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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