I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
