I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
where are my eyebrows?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
