I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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