Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
