I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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