So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
